Week Twelve ~ MKMMA ~ A Turning Point

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“I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.”

Alas, I have not been harmonious. I have not been in Harmony with my fellow MKMMA’ers. And I’ve been speaking to myself about that (firstly, in the mirror), and during my ‘Sit’.

I’ve made a discovery…. A Cute Baby Boy Isolated on White.about myself.

Self-Discovery!!!!

And that is, that I stay on the periphery of everything. Is that my Asperger’s self? Because, to me it’s a natural place to be. On the outside. I find it really hard to be ‘in’. In fact, it’s an alien place for me. To be fully IN a group, even a family. I love my family, but they are all very separate beings, and yet I am joined with them in a way that there are no real boundaries. What a dichotomy!! What a puzzling observation.

It’s one I will take fully IN and wonder about. I will walk around it and into it and try to understand how I can at least verbalise this ‘knowing’, so it makes some sense.

But the immediate problem is not being fully ‘in’ MKMMA, which means that I’m not meeting my obligations of harmony. Not getting my blogs in on time and going into the Alliances but not commenting or sharing, despite having thoughts on both.

The more I go into this epiphany, the more I discover. It’s incredible that I did not see this for all the years I have consciously been on Earth. Yet I see it now and it is not really news to me. It just is.

I wonder, Is there another Aspie in MKMMA who could shed some light on this for me?

In the meantime, I will consciously “do” what I have to do. With joy and consciousness. I will “Step In”, and ask forgiveness from all you wonderful MKMMA’ers. They say acknowledgement is the first step to recovery… ?

Wow…. can I even  I M A G I N E  a world where I am present and accountable? To more than just me? Thank you to my Guide Luc, and thank you to Mark and Davene and the team, and thank you all for standing there and patiently waiting. I see you all. And, with a lump in my throat, I cautiously step forward, despite my self telling me I’m fine where I am.

It’s time….

to take new steps in a different direction.white_steps-1024x1024

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About weseekfreedom

After 25 years in a small dark room speaking to no one (well a FEW people then), the Digital Age entered and threw me out on my ear. What does an old film editor do then? Welcome to Network Marketing! Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?
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22 Responses to Week Twelve ~ MKMMA ~ A Turning Point

  1. aknovo01 says:

    Yay! I feel the same way. Thank you so much for writing this. Your words have written something special on my heart, and it feels like humility and connection. Thank you.

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    • Alicia you have no idea how glad I am that this has triggered a kindred feeling in you…. there is an “alone-ness” I feel because I work mainly from home, plus I like being at home! Like we’re all at the coal-face in our own worlds. I am humbled by the connections being made here in MKMMA, and there is a genuine thread of love and kindness from you that seems universal to this process.
      How blessed we are. Thank you ❤

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  2. run4change says:

    REally awesome post. I relate to the periphery thing. I have to consciously make myself not be there. I think there is a feeling of safety there but possibly not as much growth. Great awareness good job

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  3. jwest959 says:

    As a midwife, I hope to live in the periphery, to get to only be the observer. Jumping in for me means someone is in trouble and now I have to hop around a be a midwife and use some of the skills I was trained for. Try this exercise–what is the balance btwn observing and stepping in for you? What has happened to make you decide you need to step in more? how does your internal dialog sound in relation to peer pressure/expected behavior? What is the priority? What is working, what would you like to do differently? What can you do to eliminate the ‘gotta’ energy around what you would like to do? Know that all is well, you are loved just as you are, every effort or thought connection counts as forward motion.

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    • Jenny you are a brilliant ray of light for me xo
      Stepping in usually means someone is in trouble for me too! If I think about it like that. Not in a life-threatening situation, although that has happened at times…
      Peer pressure is something alien – being an Aspie I guess. I just don’t have it. I have learned enough “right” behaviour to get me through as I was only diagnosed this year when my son was diagnosed as well. It was a huge relief to settle into myself as who I am and how my brain is wired. I LOVE your questions and I will take them into my sit.
      I am a CranioSacral Therapist, so I am used to sitting on the periphery… I love this space – perhaps too much? 🙂
      Once thing I do know is that I am moving, and it feels quietly good. And I appreciate you and your insight hugely ❤

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  4. Luc says:

    Jenny, your honesty transcends your post and makes of it a “must read” for everyone of us who are genuinly involved in a hero’s journey. The epiphany you describes here shows that you ARE present and accountable, and also that you have always been for every single matter that really counted in your life and the life of the people you love. For the moment, the person who counts the most is YOU and you have answered the call, this is beautiful and powerful, and thank you for having got the courage to show your vulnerability, this will help many MKMMAers.

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  5. You are a very special part of this journey with all of us and you have a heart that radiates love to all who know you. We need you and and all you are. You have taught us what it means to be honest and to be genuine and caring. I can tell that your life has been about giving to others first. You are a remarkable person and I want to finish this journey with you …All the way!……You can do it!

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    • Joe, you are wonderful.
      You have no idea how incredible you have made me feel right this minute reading your comment.
      We will finish this journey together. How can I thank you for your words?
      Words fail me, but my heart is bursting ❤

      Like

  6. litchy08 says:

    Great post , it triggered something in me, that I didn’t realize. Thank you for your honesty

    Like

  7. jmclagan says:

    “You are whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy”…you are in unity with the Creator, “there is no difference in quality or kind, the only difference is one of degree.” Thank you for sharing your awakening…it is your time.

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  8. helamanandra says:

    I find myself holding back from going all in in most thing as well. I find it is a way for me to play safe. It is one of the things I am really trying to change. Thank you for sharing .

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  9. Jenni, what an amazing blog, beautifully written, descriptive, honest. I don’t know how I can help you but if I can, I will. Stay connected.

    Like

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